THE TOP 10 METHODS TO SCARE OR STARTLE SOMEONE

The Top 10 Methods to Scare or Startle Someone

I’ve heard from my brother’s and sister’s that scaring people is something that I’ve inherited from my Dad.

Only six years old when Dad died, I don’t remember him having the penchant for scaring people. But I do remember my brothers’ relentless need to pick on some of us in the family particularly by the startling tactic. So I suppose my need to do so was indeed inherited from Dad, but through my brothers’, mostly Larry and John. Bryan and I always seemed to be the victims. And so with that bit of recounting, I bring to you what I’m really writing about. Here are the best and most amusing top 10 ways I have found to give those you love the fright of their life.

#10. IT’S ALIIIIIIVVVVE!!! The terror only lasts for a split second before realizing that food doesn’t move on its own. Your object for terror will immediately look down at their chest to make sure there’s not a hole in their shirt where their heart exited their body.

#9. The simple slow and quiet walk up behind someone, it works best on women, and with both hands, touch their waist, if appropriate, on both sides with a gentle jolt and a restrained yell ‘raahhhh’. Be ready to back up real quick or you’re likely to get a quick jolt with a right cross on the jaw!

#8. Hide behind the old door trick. Someone walks into the house or through a doorway, and just as they turn to close the door, jump out at them. You don’t have to scream loud, just a simple HEY, will have them coming out of their shoes.

#7. The 9-volt shock; this one usually works better with the younger generation who doesn’t know that touching the tip of your tongue on both of the battery’s connectors at the same time will give a light jolt. But the real fun comes when just as they touch their tongue with the 9 volt battery, you shriek with what sounds like an electrocution, BZZZZZZTTTTT. This is a great one; I got my son on this one 3 times within a minute.

#6. Someone has been in the bathroom WAY too long; quietly sneak up, sliding across the floor with socks on your feet, and pound the door with the bottom of your fists as though you were beating a bass drum. They WON’T be in the bathroom much longer after that!

#5. The decliner recliner works best while someone is napping in it. Just shake that old chair like there’s an earthquake until the sleeper is struggling and fighting to get out of the chair. Or you could crawl up behind one’s office chair and pull that lever below the seat and watch the chair sink as they think they’re falling into the basement. Better run quick, ‘cause their struggle to get out of the chair is for the purpose of shaking you up a bit. For those parents’ and teachers’ annoyed at the youngsters leaning on the back legs of the chair, just a quick pull back making the child think they’re falling backwards will put a quick end to the chair leaning, don't let go!

#4. Dinner table too quiet? It’s certain to be a messy way to liven up the family at the dinner table; in that enduring and painfully quiet moment during supper, give the most boisterous and earsplitting BOOM you can give with just that one word. You might not want to be wearing your Sunday’s best for this one, you will be soon wearing part of the dinner and whatever drinks that doesn’t get knocked over.

#3. The “god” complex is just so cruel, irreverent, and incredibly fun. It takes impeccable timing and planning. Location matters not, but is most effective in a Church and in particular at a location with vast acoustical echoes. You have to plan out all the details, but when your target is all alone and the lights suddenly go dark, and a deep and loud booming voice calls their name as though it was the Lord, the old cliché “shaking in their boots” takes on a whole new meaning. This one is not for weak hearts, and mercy may come at a price, if ever.

#2. Unexpected expectations occurs during those quiet moments when everyone in a room knows something is about to happen. It could be anything, waiting on a phone call, a knock at the door, even in the waiting area of the emergency room. You just abruptly rise to your feet while at the same time shout, “WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG”. And then just slowly walk out of the room while you’re chuckling under your breath shaking your head as though you were serious, and as everyone in the room thinks you were as their heartbeat has tripled. It won’t be long before someone comes after you to make sure you’re ok, it’s a marvelous way to break the monotony of the painful and melancholic mood and wait. And years later, some of your family will even find it humorous.

#1. There’s something crawling on my feet! A real but harmless snake will cause a table of grown men to jump higher than a kangaroo on a pogo stick. You won’t have a better chance to pull this one off than while they’re all sitting poolside and barefoot at the picnic table. Never admit to being the culprit, you might not survive their wrath.

Disclaimer: The tactics listed above are incredibly immature and should only be attempted by professionals. This blogger has no safety claims or records of safety, and does not recommend these to be attempted by anyone, as physical or mental harm may be permanent. Please consult a licensed physician prior to frightening a person.

Now while a small percentage of my friends and family are laughing, most of you are thinking, “Why did he write this”? It was just my little opportunity to have a little fun and express my not so serious side. In other words, most of my writing has been too somber.

Have a marvelous day! :-)

Daniel Criss